Are you wondering if you should talk about your past relationship on your first date? Would that be inappropriate? Talking about your ex on the first date might bring awkwardness. So, what should you do? Talk or not?
If this is something you are worried about, let’s discuss why you shouldn’t talk about your ex on the first date.
First date is always a little nerve-wrecking. You don’t know the person, but you want to know them. The significant other may and may not like you. Maintain some decorum, show some manners, gratitude, bring your best on the table to impress.
On the worst, your first date can be your worst date ever if you or your significant other say or behave the way is unexpected.
I am giving you an overview of my first date ever back in my college days. I was naïve, didn’t know what to say or how to present myself on my first date. Back in the 90s’, there was no ‘exposure to the internet world’ so couldn’t get any dating tips.
Coming from a conservative family background, asking my brother or sister about dating tips was a dream that you could never fulfill. Basically, I was on my own.
Certainly, my first date isn’t my best. As we both made mistakes and said things that indicated we didn’t like each other right there.
We end up wrapping the first date in a hurry because it was getting late, and I was bored listening to his breakup stories.
Just like I didn’t enjoy listening to his past relationship, your date might feel the same way if you talk about your sobbing breakup stories on the first date.
Certainly, she/he might not even bother to meet or call you again.
Going on a first date builds an opportunity to learn something new about the other person. What they like and dislike, their hobbies, their future ambition, food they like, about their family and so on.
First date is the moment when you can understand if you match your vibe with the significant other or not. If you both do like each other’s company, it’s a ticket for your second date.
Why you shouldn’t talk about your ex on the first date?
It’s Harder to Let Go of Your past Relationship
If you recently had gone through a breakup and having it hard to let go of your feelings, emotions of your past relationship. It is understandable. The change is certainly good. If you develop a new interest in a person, you may find it easier to cope with your past relationship.
But, on the first date you instead of talking positively and showing interest in knowing about the other person. You are insistently talking about your past relationship; it is clearly signals you are not ready to move on.
Your repeated dwelling on the past clearly states that you are not giving priority to the person with whom you are on a date.
You are making the other person feel less important and wasting their time. The more you talk about your ex, the more difficult it will get to move on. It can get harder to focus on your present and to focus on the person you are with.
If you know you are not emotionally available yet, either you don’t date anyone anytime soon. Or gracefully accept and wilfully try to know the other person.
You will Give the Person Wrong Impression
Let’s reverse the scenario. You are with a person on your first date and all you hear from him is the how he met with his ex, what they did, why they broke off and it continues.
Will that interest you?
You went on a date assuming you will have a good time talking and knowing the person. Instead, what you find? The other person is clearly not ready to let go of his past.
So, you came on the date with a wrong impression. And it’s a complete waste of time.
Thus, it makes sense even more why shouldn’t ever talk about your past relationship on the first date. You can share things about your past but after a few date once both get comfortable with each other.
Another most important reason I believe is you won’t be able to know the new person closely enough.
Ask yourself before going on a date, why do you want to date?
To know and meet someone new, with whom you might get close enough to build a bond. Not every date ends up in a relationship. Some become good friends later.
When you see the other person is attempting to know you, do not disrespect by bringing your past relationship. He/she might want to know if you were in a relationship. But certainly not interested in knowing your past history on the first date itself.
I have written an article on ‘how to make a good impression on the first date’ where I have talked about what all elements one must keep in mind before they move on a first date and ruin it.
However, on the contrary, if you had a great relationship with your ex and ended up on good notes. You can mention about them to the new person. Show them how respective you are and can bring out the best in a relationship.
It’s different if a relationship won’t survive. There could be several reasons for that.
Ensure you don’t overdo the ‘ex-topic conversation’ as it might make your date uninterested or jealous.
Do not add up any negative emotion or conversation on your first date. Talk small, positive and make each other laugh, that’s what a first date should be.