Sometimes we say certain things to our spouse/partner that is hurtful, something that we shouldn’t say and eventually leads either to an argument or end up hurting each other.
A relationship takes time and patience to nourish. You can’t build a strong relationship in just a few days or months. With time it grows stronger and understands takes place between each other better.
I am happily married for 5 years. There are times when we had an argument or disagreement with something, and in a spur of a heated argument, either of us says ‘things’ that we later regret. Like the other day, we had a small disagreement about something, and I end up saying, ‘You don’t have to bother about me.’
Now what? A long silence between us. I realized that it wasn’t the right thing to say soon, I apologized to him, but it took him some time to get in a happy mood again.
Of course, he loves me and cares for me, so saying that was hurtful to him. Anyways, we are absolutely in good terms and coming back to what I was about to say.
So, over time, I have realized a number of things you should never say to your partner if you want to maintain a healthy relationship.
It will be an incomplete article if I don’t discuss the things that you should say to your partner/spouse, as well. Things that, if you say more often to your partner/spouse, will bring you closer and ignite the more love. But to read that you have to follow my next article.
So, let’s first follow about the things you should never say to your partner/spouse.
“I don’t care about your problems.”
When did you last say this statement to your partner? Like I said above that sometimes we do give some stupid comments which later create problems like ‘why did you say that?’ would be the fitting reply to ‘I don’t care about your problems?’
Never say that you care less or don’t care about their problems because when you are committed to a relationship, together, you solve a problem.
Now, if you give this statement more often that you don’t care about his/her troubles, then your partner might not be comfortable sharing with you their conflicts.
“You remind me of my ex.”
You shouldn’t be talking about your ex much. Your partner/spouse might be supportive and listens to you about what you share on your past relationship and ex, but you have to keep in mind that too much things about your ‘ex’ can ruin what you have in your current bond.
He might get started feeling uncomfortable with the thoughts of your ex that you share, and the situation might turn and create problems in your paradise.
“I need space from you.”
The statement ‘I need space from you’ is hurtful and sounds pinching. Sometimes when you think that things aren’t working fine between you and your partner, you tend to say that ‘you need space.’
Wanting for some space in a relationship is okay, according to me. Space gives time to think about yourself, your relationship status, and makes both realize how important you are for each other.
So, the notion of ending the relationship is wrong to assume if your partner says, “I need space from you.”
I feel saying ‘shut up’ is too aggressive and rude. Often in the middle of an argument, a partner inclines to say ‘shut up’ instead if you say ‘Can you please be quiet’ or ‘Can we sit and talk about this politely.’ Maybe saying these statements are a more civil way to communicate.
Also, saying ‘shut up’ on the face means demeaning your partner.
“You look awful.”
Your partner is getting ready for a party and all dressed up, excited to join you. Then your partner came to you and asked, “how am I looking?”
Your one reply can change the mood, so you replied, “ Not good, you look awful, and you need to change.”
Well, can you guess how your partner will feel by listening to what you said?
Terrible and hurt.
It’s okay if he/she may not be looking that great, so instead of saying bluntly like that. You can thoughtfully say, ‘Could you please wear that I gave you on your birthday you will look awesome, honey.”
It’s not only sweet but a way to express your love to your partner as well. It will serve two purposes; first, it won’t hurt the sentiments of your partner, and second, your partner looks fabulous and feeling loved.
“You are overreacting.”
A partner/spouse should never ever say ‘you are overreacting’ no matter what. It always ends up badly. If you don’t want things to go on the wrong side, even if you are thinking that your partner is overreacting, it should remain stay on your mind. You don’t have to express your thoughts.
“It was your fault.”
When something goes wrong, it is a common tendency to put the blame on the other. I think placing blame on each other is disrespecting your relationship.
Even during my early days of marriage, I often end up blaming my husband for the thing that goes wrong instead of focusing on finding out the solution. With maturity and time, we understand the value of supporting each other when something goes wrong; we sit and together find out the solution rather than just pointing fingers on each other.
So, if you want to improve your relationship, stop playing the blame game and cordially accept even if your partner makes a mistake.
“I always do everything.”
“I always do everything. I manage the home, kids, and office, what do you do? Nothing.”
I always say it is essential that each partner should help each other as much as possible. So that your partner doesn’t ever feel that he/she have to do everything at home.
Even if you do everything, it’s okay. If you are tired of excess work, and want a break from your continuous tedious schedule, communicate with your partner.
Tell him/her clearly what do you need, I am sure if there is a good understanding, ‘I always do everything, and you don’t’ statement won’t come again.
“My ex used to do this for me.”
I have mentioned earlier as well that it is always a bad idea to bring up anything about your ex. If you have any expectations, you should communicate that to your partner rather than saying ‘my ex used to do this or that and you don’t…’
“I can’t talk to you, I am busy.”
In this fast-paced modern world, we are all busy, but we have to take out time from our busy schedule and give them to our partner and relationship.
As per various relationship studies, most of the marriages or relationships fail because couples are so busy that they hardly give each other time, which results in weakening the bond and love.
Statements like “I can’t talk to you, I am busy” or “Talk to you later,” but there is no call or text whatsoever because they are too busy is harmful to a relationship.
It is okay to be busy. Even I am too busy as well but giving time to your partner is equally important in nurturing your relationship.
So, don’t ever say ‘I am busy and can’t talk’ instead tell politely, “can I call you in 10 minutes” and exchange a few words like ‘have you eaten? What are you doing? Let’s plan for dinner tonight at your favorite restaurant?
That’s it. It is sweet and makes your partner feel loved.
“I wish I never married you.”
By saying, ‘I wish I never married you,’ you are already making a crack in your relationship. Some statements are extremely hurtful, and this is one among them.
You are making your partner feel that marrying him/her was the wrong decision. Why do you have to say that?
There should be hope, and if something goes wrong between the two how about saying the things that are motivating and hopeful enough to mend your relationship.
“You do nothing at home the entire day.”
Often homemakers have to listen to this weird statement from their husband. Everybody is busy and has their way of doing work. Saying your partner that you are not doing anything is insulting.
“You are looking fat.”
When your partner is all dressed up for a date night and comes to you asking, “Am I looking fat in this dress?”
What would you say? If you utter ‘yes,’ I am sure either the date night would get cancel, or it would be a disastrous date night ever for you. Look, it is okay to be healthy, as a boyfriend or spouse, you don’t have to make your partner feel demeaning.
Words like ‘beautiful,’ ‘handsome’ are compliments and always work great in a relationship.
“Why can’t you be like …?”
Comparing isn’t good. You should accept your partner for what and how he is. Saying, ‘why can’t you be like him/her? Why can’t you dress like him/her? Why can’t you do things like him/her?’ and in many ways comparison with someone else brings negativity in a relationship.
“You don’t know anything.”
This reminds me of a dialogue from GOT, ‘You know nothing, Jon Snow.’ Well, Jon Snow didn’t get annoyed, but your partner will.
You can’t say that you don’t know anything, it triggers waves of anger.
“I told you so…”
‘I told you, so you have to do it, or I told you, so you have to listen.’ By saying statements like this to your partner, you are forcing her/him your thoughts and which I am firmly against.
You should respect each other’s space and opinions.
“You are talking like your mother.”
Bringing up parents in an argument always ends up badly. You should never mock or criticize your partner indicating their parents. We all are sensitive when it comes to our parents.
So, saying ‘you are talking like your mother or your mother did this or that’ will make him/her feel that you don’t have respect to his/her parents.
Cramps are silly
Guys generally don’t know how it feels to have monthly cramps. They often think cramps aren’t a big deal, and sometimes they tell that straight to their partner as well.
A boyfriend/husband should talk about monthly cramps with their girlfriend/wife, and never should they criticize about their situations.
Your wife/girlfriend would expect some understanding from your side on this matter.
Above are some of the statements that I believe you should never say to your partner that will worsen your relationship. Try not to say these statements for a month or two, and you will see your relationship is going way smoother than you ever thought.