Do you and your spouse fight a lot? Is it affecting your marriage? Do you want to know how to solve relationship conflict and save it from ruining?
Every couple argues when something isn’t going on as per their wishes or due to differences in opinion. Even sometimes couple does argue a lot on almost everything.
I know that phase when you argue, get upset and keep your mouth shut the whole day. The ending of an argument can always be frustrating. It brings no happiness. A bad and sad day isn’t it?
Understanding the root cause of conflict is the key to solving it.
I am married for five and half years now, and like every other couple, we almost frequently get ourselves tangled in arguments too.
Let me tell you, yesterday morning me and my husband had a petty argument on ‘why hasn’t he read my last blog article.’
Although, it was foolish of me to say that because he is very supportive and does read all the articles that I write. It was just the last article that he couldn’t because he was so tied up in his office work.
So, from that sentence, it started. But our argument was quickly cooled down.
Are you stunned to know that how we did that?
As a couple we never let our argument ruin our day. Instead, we maintain certain ways that help us in stopping an argument immediately.
Before that you must why and what causes conflicts in relationship, commonly.
What Causes Conflict in Relationships?
Imagine you have found the person of your dreams, but instead of living happily ever after, you are constantly fighting.
The question is: what is causing these conflicts in your relationship? Understanding the underlying causes is key to resolving them.
There are many potential causes of conflict in relationships. Some conflicts may be due to differences in beliefs or values, while others may be the result of personality clashes.
Before going to the part “how to solve relationship conflict instantly” you have to understand what causing these conflicts in your relationship.
Once you find out why you and your partner is constantly fighting. It would be easier to resolve issues and find the balance in your relationship.
Some common causes include:
Communication issues can lead to conflict in relationships because when people are not able to effectively communicate with each other, misunderstandings and misinterpretations can occur. T
his can cause frustration, hurt feelings, and mistrust, which can ultimately lead to conflicts and arguments.
Additionally, lack of communication can also lead to a buildup of unresolved issues, which can eventually lead to bigger conflicts. It’s important to have open, honest, and clear communication in any relationship to avoid conflicts.
Different needs and expectations: It is important to remember that we all have different needs and expectations. What one person considers important may not be as important to another person. For example, one person may need more attention than the other, or one person may need more alone time.
One person may want to spend more time together while the other may want more space. It is important to remember that we all have different needs and that it’s okay to have different expectations in a relationship.
Conflict arises when there is no proper communication and misunderstanding about each other’s needs and expectations.
Lack of trust:
Trust is an essential component of any healthy relationship. Without trust, a relationship can become filled with suspicion, resentment, and conflict.
When one partner does not trust the other, they may become overly controlling, jealous, or paranoid. This can lead to arguments and mistrust, which can ultimately cause the relationship to deteriorate.
A lack of trust can prevent partners from being open and honest with each other, leading to communication breakdowns and a lack of intimacies.
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship and when it is broken, it can be difficult to repair.
Financial problems are one of the most common reasons for conflict in relationships.
Money troubles can cause arguments and lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and even hopelessness. If you are in a relationship and you are constantly fighting about money, it is important to try to find a resolution.
Money problems can put a huge strain on even the strongest of relationships, so it is crucial to try to work through them together. For example, one partner may feel like they are always having to sacrifice their own needs in order to accommodate the other person’s financial situation.
Or one person may feel like they’re always carrying the financial burden while the other person seems to spend recklessly. arguing about money is one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy.
Infidelity can cause a wide range of negative emotions and reactions in a relationship, including anger, sadness, and feelings of rejection.
These emotions can lead to conflicts and arguments between partners, as they struggle to come to terms with what has happened.
Infidelity can also disrupt the emotional and physical intimacy of a relationship, making it difficult for partners to feel close and connected to one another.
This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can further fuel conflicts.
How to Solve Relationship Conflict without much effort –
Relationship conflict is not something that people want to deal with, but it is something that everyone has to face. It can happen at any time.
It says an argument is an art. You can argue in a way where you can be the winner.
Fighting or arguing is a part of a relationship. You sometimes tend to argue when you want to express your strong opinions or emotions to your partner.
All couples argue. Some argue less and some more. Some in a decent way and some literally fight. It isn’t important how you fight or argue. But it should be fair.
Let’s see what we have on the list:
Don’t yell, talk more ( Effective Communication is key)
One of the oldest tricks that perhaps every couple should follow. It all turned out miserable when each started yelling at one another.
There is no need to yell or shout, instead, try to remain calm. Try not to overreact at that moment of heat.
Often what happens, when you yell in an argument you tend to say or behave rudely which might hurt your partner/spouse’s feelings.
If you are smart, you won’t engage yourself in that argument. You will stay calm and let your spouse/partner do the yelling part.
Eventually, she/he will stop if not getting any response from you.
Give your partner a moment to cool down and then you both sit and resolve your issues by talking.
Accept your fault
There is no shame in accepting your fault. If you know that the reason for the argument is you, maybe you have done or said something wrong ‘accept it.’ You will see the argument will stop then and there.
Forgive & Forget
The next step after ‘apologizing’ is ‘forgive’ and ‘forget.’
You are in love, and conflicts in a relationship are very common. You shouldn’t hold back grudges of the past and bring them into your fighting.
If you can say ‘Sorry’ to each other, you can surely forgive and forget.
I am not saying to forgive and forget if you are in a toxic relationship. But if the conflicts can be resolved mutually, both should try to make the relationship better and do things that could make the relationship last longer.
Don’t ever exaggerate
Always remember, say no to ‘exaggeration.’ It is not wise to drag a simple thing to a greater extent. I hope you understood my point.
If you want to stop an argument seriously, don’t keep adding up things to a discussion. An attempt like this rather ends up in disappointment.
Storing up past grievances and complaints might add up to your current situation. It often happens in a relationship, when in an argument one opens up about his/her past accusations.
Try to solve one problem at a time. If you come to know about her grievances, talk to your partner, try to make it work and most importantly, keep patience.
Your argument will end within a minute if you sweetly say ‘SORRY’. It will melt down the anger immediately.
You can later say whatever you have to, but the best thing is, you no longer have to be in an argument.
Winning shouldn’t be the motive
A couple should keep in mind that the objective is to solve the problem. If you think you have to win the argument, then you will end up losing the happiness of your beautiful relationship.
Avoid accusations on each other
Stop accusing each other; it will cause each to defend themselves. You can avoid this by talking politely and expressing to each other. A couple should always no matter what respect each other’s emotions and listen to opinions. Accusations are lame, it does nothing instead escalate a situation.
If you have issues with each other, explain and understand not blaming each other.
Swallow Your Pride to Resolve Relationship Conflict
Ego and pride are the two worst things that can ruin your relationship because they won’t let you win against your partner.
There is no win or lose situation when you are seriously committed in a relationship. Your partner’s loss is your loss and vice-versa.
A successful relationship is all about how mutually and together you are helping each other growing and taking your relationship towards betterment.
You must swallow your pride if you want to resolve relationship conflicts quickly and effortlessly. Your pride won’t let you apologize even if you are wrong, it won’t let you agree to your partner’s opinion as you always think you are right.
Things like this increase the gap between two individuals, and slowly, it turns your relationship into unhappiness and unhealthy.
Go for a walk together and discuss
Walking and talking is a good combination. It is a great thing to do. Go for a 30 minutes’ walk and let each express their views.
You can share your emotions, opinions, and complaints while just walking. It will reduce the stress and brings you both close.
Be clear about what you are saying
You cannot expect your partner to mind read. How would your partner know what do you want or what is your expectation if you don’t convey?
Research has shown that often people those who clearly don’t express their feelings are more likely to feel unhappy and disturb.
Eventually, they pile up these emotions and later when they explode it turn a relationship into sour.
When things get a little dicey, you may say things and actions that are hurtful and disrespectful.
Disrespecting your partner is the biggest mistake and can take your relationship on the verge of ending. If you can’t respect your partner, no amount of love can save your relationship.
Even you are going through relationship issues, both should maintain dignity and not lose their moral values.
Showing respect is actually one of the quickest ways to solve relationship conflicts.
How can you show respect during a fight or argument?
- Don’t yell or be loud
- Listen to your partner’s opinion
- Let them speak their mind
- Don’t use verbal abuses
Learn to Listen & Keep Patience
Do you know better listening skills can help grow a relationship?
To avoid relationship conflicts, one must learn to listen to his/her partner and then establish healthy communication. Any sort of communication gap is harmful to a relationship.
When there arises a conflict in a relationship, if both partners patiently listen to each other’s problems and calmly think of the solution instead, this could save your relationship from conflicts.
Patience is key in forming a healthy relationship. Indeed maintaining a relationship is hard; we often face challenges where things get out of control, and we lose our patience, resulting in disturbances.
With patience, we can avoid that relationship mistake and can make our relationship better.
Appreciate your partner
Who says ‘I LOVE YOU’ during an argument?
Correct. If you see your partner is all gear up to attack with words and have a fierce look on his/her face, you better say ‘I LOVE YOU’ and appreciate the effort your partner puts in everything.
You can tell your spouse how much you love her/him and you are sorry if you have done anything wrong.
That’s it. You will see there will be no argument whatsoever.
How to stay calm and not let your emotions take over during a conflict?
When you are in the middle of a conflict, it is easy to let your emotions take over. You might feel you are about to explode. But it is important to stay calm, so that you can resolve the conflict constructively and save your relationship.
Here are some tips on how to stay calm and not let your emotions take over during a conflict:
- When things are getting out of your hand, take a break. Come back after 30 minutes or an hour to have a peaceful conversation. Practice some deep breathing and calm yourself down.
- Recognize your triggers. What are the things that sets you off during a conflict? What makes you angry? Once you know what your triggers are, you can be more aware of them and try to avoid them.
- Try to see things from the other person’s perspective. It is easy to get wrapped up in what you are thinking, but understanding where the other person is coming from can help diffused the situation.
- Focus on solving the problem, not on winning the argument. Avoid getting defensive or attacking back. Once you have come to an agreement, move on and don’t dwell on the conflict.
Is Argument Good for Your Relationship?
You must be thinking how can argue is good for a relationship?
Well, if you know how to deal with arguments, then it brings no harm to your relationship.
Every individual has a different perspective on everything. Their ways of expressing will also be different, but it is important how they are dealing with difficult situations.
We keep discussing the factors that keep a relationship healthy and holds together.
Many won’t agree with me, but I genuinely think ‘conflict’ can also be a good factor in a relationship.
- It teaches you how to deal with the situation
- It makes you aware of the fact ‘how strong is your relationship is.’
- It lets a person (wife/husband) express their opinion, likes or dislikes strongly
- Conflict/argument gives you a chance to work out where your understanding is lacking
- It sometimes brings an element of surprise in your relationship. You come to know your partner’s deepest thoughts or grievances that you are ignorant of
- Lastly, I believe conflict sometimes can be just a playful communication.
It all depends on how maturely and positively you can resolve your arguments.
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If you want to contribute/ share something related to relationship/ marriage, please feel free to contact me.