How can you really love someone unconditionally?
I have dated several men in my early life and have been in a relationship as well shortly. But I was never satisfied with any of them. Either there were compatibility issues, understanding issues, behavioural problems. I never felt that ‘deeply in love’ thing with any of them until I met my now husband.
We met unexpectedly, and soon our friendship turned into a beautiful relationship of trust, bonding, and mutual love. In the initial years of togetherness, we were enjoying each other’s companion, sharing things, going on a trip and the love increases gradually.
One thing I understood from my 7 years of a relationship is that you grow an unconditional love for your partner only when there is a balance of respect, trust, empathy, individuality and a freeness to communicate anything.
When you balance all these elements in your relationship, you open your heart to let love flow. Gradually, all you can think is to give unconditional love, care, security, affection to your partner.
There are infinite ways to express your love to your partner. But I firmly believe when you are truly in love with each other, you understand the vibe and mood. You don’t have to make an extra effort to let them know how much you love.
A little surprise, appreciating small efforts, romance are enough to keep the spark alive when your relationship is becoming old.
What Does it Mean to Love Someone?
The definition of love varies. It is different for every person. The pattern of love changes with every dynamic of relationship.
But, in general, love is what every human being craves for. When you are putting the needs and wellbeing of your desired person before yourself in every situation.
When they are on your priority, list on the top. When that person fills every void of yours, makes you happy and keeps you grounded.
As much as you love that person for their good qualities, you accept them in their worst as well and guide them to be the better version of themselves.
Thus, there is no specific definition of love that I could give. Certainly, it is just a four letter word which has the utmost power to change the world, change a person and fill life with peace and happiness.
How to love someone unconditionally?
Love them for who they are
If you love your partner deeply, you wouldn’t want them to change. You will accept them for who they are. If they are cordial, you can change their bad habits and motivate them to engage with the habits that are productive and add value to their life.
But you will never ask them to change their individuality to please you. Accept them for who and how they are. Stick with them in every thick and thin time of the life.
When you are in a relationship, there are two individual who are sharing their life with each other. Listening to each other is way more important than just talk.
You are communicating with your partner, trying to share your opinion, feelings and thoughts, but the significant other has the least of interest in listening to you.
You will obviously feel ignorant. The reverse may happen. Everyone wants to be heard with an undivided attention.
Have patience and listen to your partner. See what they have to say, or share. If you listen to your partner, this will make them feel cared enough. Of course, when you listen, you understand their point of view and, most likely, to sit and communicate.
Judging, criticising and putting down your partner always brings out the worst in your relationship.
Definitely, when you love someone, you won’t judge unnecessarily to make them feel low and insult them.
They are human beings and can make mistakes, have individual choices. Judging them for their choices will only keep you distant in your relationship from your partner.
Respect them for having their own thoughts and feelings. Do not judge them based on what others say. When you love your partner, show some respect.
Put them before you
Give selfless love and care to your partner. Give importance to their needs. You can only love someone unconditionally when you feel empathetic towards them. If they are with you, you will prioritize them over you.
For example, my husband always ensures my safety first before he considers his own. He always thinks of me first, what I will like and where I can be at comfort while planning a trip.
Be Loyal & Respectful
Be respectful to your partner. Respect their opinion, space and individuality. Be committed. Never cheat or show disloyalty. It takes an immense amount of patience and time to build trust in a relationship. Once broken, there’s hardly a chance to rebuild the trust.
It’s natural to lose yourself in a relationship sometimes, but you must remind yourself where your loyalty lies. How much you and this relationship are important to that person. Why staying loyal is worth in your relationship.
Notice small things about them
When you love someone deeply, you would notice small things about them and you will adore those tiny details.
For example, I love when my husband enjoys poking me, although I show I am not liking but I adore to see when he smiles.
You may like your partner’s crazy laughing. You may have noticed how particular they are about their white dress. There could be a thousand of insignificant details about a person who you may have noticed when you love.
The important thing is to ‘notice those stuffs.’ They may be vague, hold no importance but still when you notice those stuffs and sometime somewhere you mention them it shows your love.
Never shy away from accepting your fault
You are arguing about something with your partner, and quickly it turned into an ugly fight. You know there has been a mistake, and the fault is yours, but you are stubborn and not accepting.
To satisfy your ego, while arguing, you might have said or behaved inappropriately and end up hurting your partner.
Was it worth?
Learn to accept your fault, it won’t make you inferior. You are with an amazing person, have some boundaries while engage in an argument. Even if you don’t mean to hurt, your actions might do the opposite.
Forgive & Forget
It’s easy to love someone when things are going well. The test of love begins when you have a hard times.
Forgiveness shows how strong and empathetic you are. You might have had an ugly fight in the past. The incident had hurt you so much that it got imprinted on your memory.
Holding grudges for a long time will only affect your relationship with your partner. You won’t be able to open your heart and let love flow. When unconditional love means to love deeply and selflessly. It also means to forgive and forget.
If your beloved partner realizes their mistake and apologies, you must not wait, forgive them and hug them.
I have written a beautiful article on ‘how to forgive your partner.’ Please go through it if you struggle to forgive the easy way.
Guide & motivate them when needed
I am a freelancer. Many people might envy freelancing work type. They think it’s an easygoing job, have the privileged to work from home and from anywhere but honestly, with the perks comes some disadvantages too.
There are days, even months, when you don’t have work and it makes you feel low. My husband consistently has been supporting and motivating me to pursue what I love to do.
Provide the shoulder to cry and support to your partner. Everyone can be with you in good times. But it is important that they won’t leave you behind when you needed them the most.
If you stick to your partner in their worst nightmares, certainly you have proved your undying love for them.
Make time for them
Choose quality time to spend with the person you love. Life can not be all work. It is important to give your full attention and time in your relationship. If you want to keep it alive, give time to nurture your relationship.
When you give quality time to each other, the understanding level gets better as you communicate more. You pour your heart out to each other, involve in activities together, get intimate and eventually all this helps build a great connection.
There are a lot of ways to spend time with each other. You can date at home, cook meals together, do fun activities, go on a road drive, talk about random things, make each other laugh, and the list goes on.
Just ensure giving time to establish a strong bonding which will strengthen your relationship.
Prioritize their need
I have mentioned above in a point that when you love someone unconditionally, your priority changes. You tend to think of the person first about their comfort, wellbeing, and so on.
Whatever their need is, ensure they are realistic. If so, then you will find happiness in their comfort and happiness.
I truly understand how the mindset shifts when you are deeply in love with someone.
For example, I always think of my husband and my son’s wellbeing at first. Are they okay? Are they comfortable? Is there anything they need? What if they need something and I couldn’t provide them? I hardly had the time to think of myself, which I should. I should give priority to my wellbeing as well. But in my case, as I don’t do that, my husband takes great care of me.
You can show your unconditional love to your partner by extending your support to share their load.
You can help them in assisting the household chores. If they are in stress, share their load by helping them the best way possible.
For example, if you have a baby, managing a baby along with professional and personal life gets too hectic. You have no sense of timing. You are always busy and tired. You want to sleep, but there is hardly a respite.
In a situation like this, if you share the workload of your partner, they will always feel overwhelmed.
Also, it signals your true love for your partner and how much you respect
Show them physical affection
You could express your love in different form. Let the beloved person know their significance in your life by expressing affection. Hug, and kiss them and show them how their presence has made a positive difference in your life.
Make them laugh & happy
Do anything and everything to make them laugh. It might sound silly, but when you love someone extremely with all your heart and soul, the only thing you would always want is to see your partner happy.
You would do anything to please and make them happy.
When I was pregnant during the Covid times, I used to feel low. I missed my mother. I hated the desperate times when people were dying and kids becoming orphan. I stopped listening to the news.
Seeing me upset made my husband felt disheartening. I remember how he used to dance to songs, do karaoke at home, tell me rubbish jokes. All these just to make me happy and smile.
Through this example, what I want to say is it’s hard to see the person you love deeply unhappy. You would do anything to make them smile and lighten their mood.
Make Effort to better your relationship
When you love someone unconditionally and your significant other, understand and respect your emotions. You don’t have to work hard on making efforts to better your relationship.
With time the love will take your relationship to a place where you will find peace and the bond becomes stronger.
You can improve your relationship by just being present and be respectful to your partner.
Taking ownership and responsibility of your actions and behaviour you have on you partner is an important part of healthy relationship.
Show accountability for what you say and do in a relationship. When one partner fails to understand the importance of being accountable, the other person may feel pushed out. They may feel insecure and alone in a relationship.
It is the responsibility of both the partner to understand how owning up to their actions bring changes in a relationship.
If you want to feel the bonding and love someone deeply and truly, set aside your ‘ego’, accept your faults and own them. Not only that you must also do the things that will improve your relationship with your partner.
Engage in Effective Communication
I have probably mentioned a hundred times about how communication alone can solve every issue in a relationship and bring a couple closer.
With effective communication, where listening is also a part, you could establish a balance between two adult.
There is no relationship on earth that hasn’t gone through issues. If someone say proudly that they have a perfect relationship because they never fought and never had any issues, it’s a lie.
No matter what, you must not drag an issue or hold grudges. Talk it out with your partner. Get involve both and clear the air.
Keep no doubts.
Loving unconditional means you accept and listen to what the other person has to say.
Make them feel secure in your relationship
How to make someone feel secure in a relationship?
Love them genuinely.
Consider their problems as yours
Ensure they are safe with you
Make them feel secure when they are with you through love, affection and respect
Respect their boundaries and space
Never get violent
Last words –
You would be the luckiest person on the earth if you are being loved by someone unconditionally, without any expectation.
Usually, people think they love deeply and passionately but very few relationship has that kind of love.
However, as I said earlier, the definition of love is different for every individual. What I think true love is, may be an XYZ person thinks different.
As long as you are true to yourself and love your partner selflessly, not materialistic or expecting something in return, it is ‘unconditional love and a blessed one.’