From the title of the blog, you must have got an idea of what I am going to write about – how to communicate better in relationships with your partner.
Getting married is one of the most beautiful feelings that one could get. Marriage is a promise that you make to keep your life partner happy and safe always no matter what.
The first two years of marriage is the most romantic time I believe. Romantic dates, surprises, fights, gestures, honeymoon as I mentioned the best time.
Do you think all couples feel the same?
There are married couples who remain so busy in making their career that they hardly get time to communicate.
And some couples have created a wall between them because they don’t adjust or should I say they don’t know what do they expect from each other or how to handle their situations. They don’t participate in communicating their issues.
Communication is the key element of a successful marital life.
The more you will communicate with each other the more you will get to know each other and eliminate your issues quickly. Without communication, no marriage can stand.
The motive of this article is to provide “detailed guidance on how can you establish better communication with your partner.”
Now before I jump into that part, I would like to point a few things.
Need for an Active Communication in Relationship
We all talk about love, trust, and honesty in marriage. It is so essential to keep these three elements for a long-lasting happy relationship. But I often get surprised, why couples don’t talk about “communication?“
Communication is like the fuel in a marriage. Conveying one’s emotions and opinions to each other is essential. If you don’t talk, it will eventually drive you apart emotionally and physically.
Importance of Communication in Relationship/Marriage
When two persons are bonded together in marriage, they aren’t two individuals; they are one soul.
More than physical closeness, it is the emotional bonding that matters. With regular effective communication, both tend to get close and increase the comfort level between the couples.
Communication helps you to build up your relationship. A marriage needs care and affection when you communicate about everything it will bring you closer and enhance love and care for each other.
Misunderstandings arise when there is a lack of understanding. If you don’t communicate your issues freely, there will be an obstruction that will generate misunderstanding again and again.
If you think your spouse knows about your wishes or can read your mind, you are wrong. Don’t just assume instead talk to your partner openly and positively.
Minimizing unnecessary confusions and misinterpretations increase relationship satisfaction. This can only be attained from communication.
Trust is an extremely vital element in keeping a marriage alive and happy.
“Once broken it can’t be mend.”
Building trust in a marriage or relationship needs complete transparency, according to me.
Be it emotional or sexual intimacy; trust is the one thing that holds a marriage throughout.
You might have noticed, marriage breaks because they break the trust which is the foundation of marriage.
So, how will you build trust?
It doesn’t happen overnight. You need to give time and nurture your relationship carefully.
Here, communication plays a vital role. When you start communicating with complete honesty with your spouse, with the given time, it establishes “trust” and improve your marital bonding.
What is the most effective communication method?
- Verbal Communication
In simple words, verbal communication is a form of communication that involves using words; it may be written or oral.
Non-Verbal Communication is when we use gestures or signals, any wordless form of communication.
Now, when it comes to relationship both verbal and non-verbal forms of communication are effective. You can use verbal conversation in having a more engaging and reasonable discussion with your spouse.
Like expressing opinions, discussing issues or cliché’ conversations come under ‘verbal form of communication.’
Whereas, using body language, sexual gesture or gentle touch towards your spouse are non-verbal forms of communication which are also important in physical closeness.
I will now come straight to the part what the headline says –
How to communicate better with your spouse?
There are people who are introvert, mostly keep their feelings to themselves. They like being left alone. Honestly, I have known such people very closely who don’t even open up to their spouses.
If such is your case too, make sure you give full support to your spouse, make her/him feel secure and comfortable.
So, my first point will be:
Be open with your spouse
Don’t be shy to express your views and feelings to your spouse. Let him/her know your wishes, opinions, ideas, share your issues.
The more you will talk about these things you will get that comfort level increase each day.
Put effort into changing your communication pattern. If you see your spouse isn’t actively participating in conversations, make a change in the pattern.
You can start by talking about regular things like how was your day, what you did etc. You can share with her/him about your day, it will give your spouse confidence to speak up.
Listen to your partner
Listening is a good skill, and one who is a good listener can do better in improving marital life.
Be a listener to your spouse because if you listen to her/him, it would mean you are attentive and interested.
Many people find it difficult to keep listening to their partner. But if you make a little effort, you can be in a win-win situation.
Being a listener doesn’t mean that you have to agree to everything that your spouse says. Instead, it means, you have to be non-judgmental.
Often it happens that your spouse has an opinion and you without even listening passed a comment which ends up in a conflict.
I have already covered on ‘how to be a better listener in a relationship’ you can read it might help you.
Engaging in small talks is an amazing way to make your communication better. Keep it light and simple.
Good conversation always lifts your mood and smoothen the bonding.
You can start by asking small questions, or you can ask for advice on a particular matter.
With regular small talks, it will cultivate happiness in your relationship and improves your marriage.
If your spouse wants to share something or say something, stop interrupting and making opinions.
Instead, the best thing you can do to improve your communication is to show your keen interest in the conversation.
Be her/his listener, let them speak freely. When you show interest, it will make her/him feel special and important.
Pay attention to what they say. Hear them out with the goal of understanding their thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Show your interest through compliments and words of affirmation. Make them believe and realize that you care for them.
Compliment each other
Complimenting each other is a part of communication. It is crucial that a husband and wife balance each other for a long-term happy marriage.
A compliment in a relationship is to comment on something positive to your spouse.
When you compliment or praise your better-half, you will not only make her/him happy but by doing so, you will increase your spouse’s self-esteem.
Your little appreciation will make her/him feel valued and will create a moment of love between the two.
Talk about anything
Being a husband and wife, you can always talk about anything and everything. You can discuss and share your past experiences, fun things that you did in your college days, about a colleague or just regular things.
Just pick a topic and start talking. The motive should be to communicate and spend time together.
How to communicate your needs in a relationship?
When both establish freeness talking about anything between themselves, you can communicate clearly about your needs and desire to each other. Conversation is a two-way street. There shouldn’t be only ‘I’ that matters, you have to respect your partner’s time as well. Pay attention to your significant partner, listen to them what’s on their mind.
I know a lot of people remain busy in their respective careers, but that shouldn’t stop you from communicating.
You can send messages to each other during free time or at lunchtime. In that way, you can stay connected all the time.
Be Present in your Relationship
To improve your relationship, it is important to be present as much as possible. It can be difficult to make and dedicate your 100% of time in a relationship.
But if you are serious about your relationship and want your partner to feel special, want to take your relationship to the next level, both have to be present in being together.
Being present means you are fully committed to the person you are with. You are aware of your partner’s situation, mindset, and everything. There is a sense of mutual trust, understanding, and respect.
Being present means both communicate enough to be with each other.
I love making plans with my husband. We discuss everything together. It keeps our bond strong.
If you are buying something for you or your home, if you are thinking of a holiday out, make plans together.
Planning together is fun and involves solid verbal communication. And as you know, verbal communication helps in building your relationship.
According to Gottman method, one should aim to improve verbal communication. It develops intimacy and the level of understanding between couple.
Make your conversation light and fun
Nobody likes serious and boring conversations all the time. Sometimes, lighter and fun conversations that bring a smile on both of your faces is worth a try especially, when you are trying to make better communication.
For example, you can talk about a movie or any book or about the restaurant that you went to last night. It could be anything. You can even tease each other.
Identify Your communication Style
Every individual has a communication style. Before investing your time and energy in improving communication in your relationship, you must know what the four main communication styles are.
Primarily, they are – passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.
Passive communication – here, individuals avoid responding to their feelings, opinion, or needs. They allow others to mount on them with unacceptable behavior.
Aggressive communication – here, individuals are expressive of their feelings, they are impulsive and loud.
Passive-aggressive communication – here, individuals appear passive on the surface but communicate indirectly through sarcasm, vent anger on situations, etc.
Assertive communication – here, individuals express themselves clearly and precisely. They respectfully listen to the other, have self-control, speak calmly, and communicates accordingly.
What is your communication style?
The best and safest communication style is the ‘assertive communication.’ If you and your partner have different communication style, it becomes harder to avoid conflict but certainly can try to make it better through positive effort.
Sources Expert: TonyRobbins
Any negative remarks during a conversation between husband and wife can create differences. Don’t approach a negative discussion, it won’t help in building your relationship better.
Try to acknowledge your spouse’s accomplishments and derive positivity in your marriage.
You can also try to encourage your spouse in doing the things that he/she loves.
If you see, your spouse is in a bad mood or had a rough day, try to motivate her/him, show your positive attitude in solving existing issues.
Never let ‘negativity’ grow in your marriage. It’s poison.
Don’t ignore during conflicts
“Ignorance is a poison that kills every relationship day by day.”
Conflict is a common thing that takes place in every marriage. But it is terrible when you start ignoring each other during conflicts.
Each person is different, they have different opinions and approaches, but there is a solution to each problem too. And the best way to solve a problem is to ‘communicate.’
Talk about your issues, let each other know your expectations and needs. Try not to drag an issue for long as it may affect your relationship.
Through gentle and effective communication, conflicts can be stopped and bring serenity in your marriage.
Marriage is a beautiful institution. With enough love and care, you can maintain a healthy marriage. It is okay to accept if you aren’t better in communication with your spouse.
With a positive attitude and a little effort, you can make your communication better and improve your marriage.
Be patient and have trust in each other.
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